We are officially residents of Australia now---Ala, Lydia and Mio especially since they have stayed here the longest. Erica, Ananda and I were able to go back to Manila and stay for 4 months.
I left for Manila last Aug. 13 to fulfill some APO obligations and to begin my stint as Headmaster in the very successful reality TV show called Pinoy Dream Academy. At first, I turned down the show but was glad that I gave it a second look. The show was highly successful and was some sort of milestone in Philippine Television. I am proud to have been a part of it.
This year also saw a resurgence of APO’s music which was brought about with a tribute done by the bands to us. Called KaminAPO Muna, the CD of 18 songs turned gold in 6 days and is now working its way to a 4th platinum. It continues to be no.1 in sales and in ringtone downloads. It has 5 music videos all from one album, The good news is a part 2 is underway to be released early next year. What it has done for APO’s career is that it has revived it to the point that young people are once again attending our concerts! APO continues to be booked heavily for the coming months.
Danny, Boboy and I were also lucky to have performed in Melbourne and Sydney last July, Guam and in Saipan last October and do many shows the past few months in the Philippines. We are gearing up for many more shows this February and in April in North America.
This year is also monumental for us as a family since we have bought a house in Glenwood that Lydia and the kids have turned into a real home.
Meanwhile, our house in Loyola was spared from a big fire that raised our next door neighbor Chinchin’s house to the ground. We are grateful for that but quite distressed at the same time, seeing Chinchin, her mom Ching and their two maids suffer the loss of everything they have.
Another milestone for me is the fact that I am now a columnist for the Philippine Star and basing it on the number of letters I get, I guess I am becoming popular as a writer.
Mio is now on his senior year. Ala was accepted at the University of Sydney for her masters in Developmental Studies. Erica started a new clothing business in Manila and in Sydney. Lydia’s health continues to hold out pretty well and for that we are very thankful
2006 has been a year of discovery, trials and triumphs for everyone of us.
From all of us, we wish you the peace that Jesus brought into the world. May this Christmas find you basking in the love of your families and loved ones. And may the new year awaken you to more than what you have tasted of life.
God, I've been writing a lot. Or at least it seems like it. I have my blog, my column, this, and all the email that I answer. I really try to answer all the letters I get. From the Star column alone, that's about 10 to 30 a week depending on the subject. Add another 15 minimum from my blogs per new entry. Then there are the egroups I belong to and friends and relatives, etc. Ang dami.
I opened a Friendster account about a few years ago. Why? I do not know. Silly me! I do not really pay attention to it and I do accept practically all requests to be friends. I have only rejected about two or three for the simple reason that the guy sent a naked picture and said he lusted for me. ha ha ha !! The other two did not even have the decency to put a real pic. They put famous artists' pics instead. So much for that.
I also have a multiply account which I have neglected for the most part. I visited it last night and have decided to revive it and make it an active site with pictures and music. I put in Pinoy Dream Academy pics last night and after a few hours, I noticed so many had viewed the pics already.
I visit the APO page often too and read the forum and answer what needs to be answered. I also am the one who updates it with news and stuff. I do believe I spend an inordinate amount of time on the net.
I do need a life, and one good reason why I should get some is so that I can write about it. Gosh, I'm really hooked on writing!
- Location:my usually lonely room brightened by the presence of my wife
- Mood:awake
- Music:The sound of tricycle
Today I was at PDA in the afternoon to do my monday classes. I give them classes on creativity and some tips on how to become more functional as artists (as opposed to 'dysfunctional'). I also had to have one on one talks with some of them. Nothing really serious. Just clearing the air on some issues. I won't tell you what we talked about since I do not wish to spoil your viewing pleasure.
I got a very excited text from Lydia an hour ago to say that they finally have broadband. Wooo hooo!! Sa wakas. Now everyone can go online at tyhe same time. ha ha. For awhile they were all getting cranky sincfe they could not share pics and even go online whenever they wanted. I'm glad life in the new house is normalizing.
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It's signal no.3 in most of Luzon today. They say the storm will be quite fierce. I woke up to string rain and winds today. So far nothing spectacular is going on but let's wait. I may not even have internet connection later. Who knows?
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Nothing much to write. I am basically just filling up this page to keep this lj from becoming stale. Alas, no muse seems to be cominhg to coax me out of this shallow ladida I am in. Ha ha. Actually, I am writing this while taking a breather from an essay I am doing for a major newspaper. I am now a weekly columnist. No I won't tell you what paper it is until the first essay comes out.
Eto na muna. The other column is far more meaty and interesting. Will probably put it on my blog once it comes out in the papers na.
While the emotional storms are deeply felt, I realised during my sit that like all things that they have ever experienced, this present one iincluded is just as transitory as any other moment. This too shall pass. That's the real, bigger story on top of what seems to be THE story of one of them leaving. All that crying and drama, truly a tempest in a teapot. Of course none of them know it yet. I hope I can convey to them this message and muster compassion for them to deal with the pain of their own illusions.
Today, our topic is songwriting and I will convey to them that the only thing that they have and is real is the present moment. The past is dead and gone and the future is not here yet, and may not arrive. Besides, the future and past are a series of now points also and that's all anyone really has.
And what does this have to do with songwriting? Everything. In the present is where all creation happens. You HAVE to be present to create. And when one is not bogged down by past worries and future anxieties, one can come from a very creative moment of presence. That's the time we create REAL joy which nothing, not even this TV set-up with all its artificial rules can take away. Last night I was talking to some of them and i was telling them that the best creations spring from the joy of being and expressing oneself and not as a response to the market out there. We create not to be liked, admired, praised or bought but because it is what you are all about. It's as simple as that. Being admired annd liked may or may not happen. It's not important for an artist to worry about it. Once you get to that pure intention of creating--the moment without the expectations and the idea of pleasing others, then you create beauty. I will emphasize on that later.
Today was a good day. Had a simple day. I was beginning to feel the tension at the PDA house since the
reality of one of them leaving by saturday is sinking in. I gave them a workshop on how to deal with
disappointment. I hope these kids can handle the pressure. If they can't then they have little chance of
surviving in showbiz, although admittedly, all this attention their getting this early is a lot of pressure. The best we can do is to ease it a little. My goal here is for them to look back at the PDA experience as a growth spurt for them regardless of whether they complete the course or not. All in all it should be a positive experience.
I just wanna get on a plane and be there but I lknow I can't I just need to vent out, I guess! Bwisit!
I stayed in my room just lying on my bed. I couldn't even sleep since I was getting too many calls from everyone about this and that. I just ended up watching the room get dark. Masarap din pala magmmukmok.
I need to seriously get into something I really like to do for my sanity. I hope I can get a shoot going this coming week. Tomorrow am back to PDA to conduct a workshop. I think I will make wednesday's workshop for tomorrow. I had scheduled a workshop on handling disappointment and rejection on wednesday but I think the kids need it already by monday. Four of them are up for expulsion already. Besides, I think I need it too.
On a happy note, APO had a great show at Angeles yesterday. Good crowd and lots of fun. We have another one on Friday at Allegria. I can't wait for THAT!
- Location:the usual
- Mood:blah
- Music:crickets in the early evening
The good news though was that the Fairview house was such a wonderful home for us. It was a time of family bliss and wonder. It was probably because we moved to the first house we had ever purchased. I am betting that this new house in Sydney will be the same for us. Ala and the kids had an instant good feeling about it the moment we entered. Lydia and I were a little bit more cautious since we are the ones paying for it, I guess. I can see many happy moments there, including long, late night conversations over the kitchen counter. It's raining too. Rain is also a sure sign things will be good for APO. One of our biggest hits after all is Pumapatak Ang Ulan.
I can't wait to get home. Last night I dreamt of a very beautiful Lydia by side. She was smiling and just beaming beside me. This morning as I did my morning sits, I concentrated on creating space so that life can come in unimpeded and so my love can come out unconditionally. I sent out lots of love everywhere, especiall to my family.
My job in Pinoy Dream Academy can get quite complicated. I am beginning to deal with some of the personal problems of the kids now. I will soon have to help them deal with the elimination process when it begins next week. I started last night when I reminded them that it was going to get harder the coming weeks. They all fell silent. They have all bonded so much and I guess the prospect of losing one another is distressing. I hope to make it a kinder world for them by helping them cope with the trials of it as best they can. I have two seesions with them this week. One will be about rejection and how to face it. But in the end, they WILL have to face it. Such is life.
I have a show today in Pampanga with APO. I can't wait. We are gonna rock the place!
- Location:veranda
- Mood:awake
- Music:Silence
Lydia, salamat talaga. I have been feeling down the whole time since I arrived here from Sydney except for a few moments with APO and PDA. I was so happy tonight to be with my sibs, my in-laws, friends and my TCU book club. It really made my day, and probably the next few days. Ha ha! Life is good and I have the best wife and family I can ever ask for.
Salamat God/Universe!
* * *
APO had a great concert last night at the Mall of Asia Premier Theater. It was a full house and we got two standing ovations. I noticed more young people than usual. They were brought by their parents and they probably wanted to after discovering our songs through the tribute album of the young bands to us. kaminAPO muna turned platinum a few days ago and it is not showing any signs of slowing down. Amazing! APO is on its 5th wind already. I can only be grateful. Life is full of surprises and one never knows how the cards will be dealt.
Salamat na naman.
* * *
I hardly had sleep last night. I had an anxiety attack about the unknown, about my work here, about my family beimng in Sydney and about all the negativity that's been directed by commenters on my blog. My decision was to act on something that I could control and changed the settings on my blog and moderate the comments and decide which goes to print. I will not put anything that is out of topic especially those who get a free ride on my blog just to express their negativity towards everyone. Today, I sat with Lauren, my producer in Dream academy to iron out certain issues that are not yet clear to me or have not been addressed. I came home early and slept awhile. I woke up feeling much better. I am sure i will sleep well tonight. It's good to actively address our concerns.
Tonight was the first time I really enjoyed a meal since I got here. I've had knots on my stomach for two weeks na probably because my family is not here. I am beginning to relax here. But my heart is Down Under pa rin!
I am glad there is such a thing as chat. I can talk to Lydia at different times of the day. And Mio and Ala too. I just can't imagine how difficult it was years ago before internet and cell phones. Puro sulat lang which took forever to reach.
This is it na muna. Just a simple entry. I feel good. I love life. This is my true equilibrium. Will think of running TCU while I am here. Probably in October.
Today, I was practically in front of the computer answering all these letters about the Inquirer article. It's been quite stressful. I went out awhile ago to get a massage. That felt good.
All throughout this, I've been trying to maintain a Bhuddist stance of non-attachment to everything. This troubles will not last, and fame, as I know intimately is always fleeting. The only wonder is that APO has managed time and again to shake the fame tree and enjoy its fruits. We are way past the so-called allotted 15 minutes of celebrity. We are on our 37th year already and we have the biggest, fastest selling CD today. A gold CD in 7 days! God must still be smiling on APO and our remarkably long career.
Someday, one or more of these bands will be in our place, enjoying tributes done by the younger talents to their music. I wonder if APO's music will still be played by then. Who knows? And from a Bhuddist's point of view, does it matter?
I miss Lydia so much. I miss Ala and Mio's laughter and craziness. I miss just being head of the family in a foreign land where we have all gotten so close. It's been a drag being here in Manila although I am working on accepting the fact this will be my here and now until December 17.
When I look at how much I pine for my loved ones, I feel so lucky that I have loved ones. I feel so blest that they are so wonderful. I feel so happy that I have been privileged to love them. How many men in their 50s feel as passionately about their own spouses as I do with Lydia? This Aus migration has made us all closer. I dare say the past 5 months have seen some of our best family times ever. Sure we have gotten depressed, sad, angry and all that but we have also discovered who we are and that is just wonderful. Ala has become quite an adventurer joining marathons, doing fund-raisers, writing and editing books, drawing and all that. Mio, to my great surprise is holding my classes in guitar quite well in my absence. He is showing responsibility and maturity. Lydia is far stronger than I ever imagined. She has also become quite religious.
Erica and Dada are here with me in Manila. There are things I noticed about Erica too. She has discovered her maternal side--cooking for all of us, taking care of Dada and looking after her old father by asking if I have eaten, etc. All in all, it's been good.
I can get quite sad here and it hits me right in the gut. I actually feel it in my stomach. Sometimes I am afraid that I have committed myself to the newly purchased Sydney house and the TV show here in Manila and they may be way more than I can handle. It's a scary thought. But I remember Lydia's words to me which she wrote to assure me that things would be alright on her end. 'Courage is a choice'. Well said. I hang on to that. Where lies the unknown lies growth. Where lies safety lies boredom. Bahala na. I am here. I will earn the money. I will do the job well and I will bring it all back to my family which will have sustenance because of this work.
---
I have gone back to my zen sits. I am trying to make sure I remain focused and centered as I go back once again to big bad ABS and all it's ego temptations. Di na ako padadala. My job is to encourage the artists in this TV show to improve as artists and to become better human beings. I will be headmaster, teacher, coach and artistic director. I have been assured that there will be little interference and that it's pretty much my call on things. Let's hope it is true. I trust my producer Lauren Diyogi whom I worked with in Tatak Pilipino, one of the best TV shows ever done in this country.
--Lastly, it is great to know that the apo tribute album by the young bands is currently the no.1 album in the Philippines. The kids love it. I have heard from some old APO fans and they largely approve although their comments on the songs are varied and far from unanimous. Just the same, it is great to be homored by the next generation. We were part of the birth of OPM in the 70's. Now our children in this new millenia are thanking us.
When I look at how much I pine for my loved ones, I feel so lucky that I have loved ones. I feel so blest that they are so wonderful. I feel so happy that I have been privileged to love them. How many men in their 50s feel as passionately about their own spouses as I do with Lydia? This Aus migration has made us all closer. I dare say the past 5 months have seen some of our best family times ever. Sure we have gotten depressed, sad, angry and all that but we have also discovered who we are and that is just wonderful. Ala has become quite an adventurer joining marathons, doing fund-raisers, writing and editing books, drawing and all that. Mio, to my great surprise is holding my classes in guitar quite well in my absence. He is showing responsibility and maturity. Lydia is far stronger than I ever imagined. She has also become quite religious.
Erica and Dada are here with me in Manila. There are things I noticed about Erica too. She has discovered her maternal side--cooking for all of us, taking care of Dada and looking after her old father by asking if I have eaten, etc. All in all, it's been good.
I can get quite sad here and it hits me right in the gut. I actually feel it in my stomach. Sometimes I am afraid that I have committed myself to the newly purchased Sydney house and the TV show here in Manila and they may be way more than I can handle. It's a scary thought. But I remember Lydia's words to me which she wrote to assure me that things would be alright on her end. 'Courage is a choice'. Well said. I hang on to that. Where lies the unknown lies growth. Where lies safety lies boredom. Bahala na. I am here. I will earn the money. I will do the job well and I will bring it all back to my family which will have sustenance because of this work.
---
I have gone back to my zen sits. I am trying to make sure I remain focused and centered as I go back once again to big bad ABS and all it's ego temptations. Di na ako padadala. My job is to encourage the artists in this TV show to improve as artists and to become better human beings. I will be headmaster, teacher, coach and artistic director. I have been assured that there will be little interference and that it's pretty much my call on things. Let's hope it is true. I trust my producer Lauren Diyogi whom I worked with in Tatak Pilipino, one of the best TV shows ever done in this country.
--Lastly, it is great to know that the apo tribute album by the young bands is currently the no.1 album in the Philippines. The kids love it. I have heard from some old APO fans and they largely approve although their comments on the songs are varied and far from unanimous. Just the same, it is great to be homored by the next generation. We were part of the birth of OPM in the 70's. Now our children in this new millenia are thanking us.
BUT... here's the big damper. I will have to stay in Manila from August 16 to December 16 which means I will NOT be with Lydia and my family for FOUR months. I am actually suffering through the prospect of leaving them alone as they move house and as we continue our just started life in Sydney. It hits me deep in the gut just thinking about it. But at the same time, the money would certainly help a lot!
As Lydia put it so well, she says, ""I don't know what to pray for--that you get the show or you come back home by October." A few months back, I DID ask God for financial help when I was struck by how expensive living here was. And then the offer came. Ayayay! I couldn't help but read it as an answer to my prayer. And then, as if to point me in a direction, my returning resident visa application was approved so easily meaning I can go in and out of OZ as many times as I want in the next 5 years.
But at the same time, my guitar students are increasing and it will be a pity to leave them. I know they are in capable hands with Mio who will be taking over, but I also know that people ARE signing up because of me. I just hope I can pick up the momentum when I come back whether it's October or December.
I also have momentum going on the creativity workshop. Feedback was so good. The APO concert's success here is also a plus for me. Bahala na. I am going where fate takes me. The Universe has plans and so it shall be. I just hope I am reading all this right.
I have good days and bad days here in Sydney. Yesterday was bad and I know it's because I was not living in the present and was in fact projected way into the future with all of its 'what ifs'. What if I can't pay for it? What if I decide to go home? what if...? I had to put myself on TCU mode and remind mmyself that RIGHT NOW, there are no problems. Problems only begin when we are lost in the past or the future. Sure it's important to plan and all that and learn from one's mistakes but one should not be lost in time dimensions which are beyond our control. We are here and now. And right now, I love Lydia and my kids and Ananda like I have never loved them before. Nothing else really matters. To the future, whatever it is, I wil say a big YES and I will stare down alllmy anxieties. It's time I finance my faith that things will work out, not my fears.
It was quite a comfort to hear Lydia say she really liked staying here in Aus for now. Yesterday, while Ala and I were pointing out the negative things about life here, guess who was coming to Aus' defense? Erica!! That's a relief and a surprise. I guess kahit papano, everyone is gettimng their stride here. For Ala and Mio, I know gettting a license was the turning point. They have become stronger and more positive since then. I also liked the idea that the kids love the house. When they entered it. they unanimously said that this was it! Hay naku! Bahala na. Jump and the net will appear.
Yesterday Mio had his first guitar student and he did quite well. He will be taking over my job as guitar teacher while I am away doing concerts in Manila. I really hope he gets into it since not only will it help pay the house bills, it will also give him leadership, teaching skills and a possible livelihood later.
I leave in a few days and I hate the idea of leaving Lydia here. I wish she could come with me but it's not possible. We will be moving house soon and I really REGRET not being here when it happens. I know how stressful that can be and I wish I could be here to help. Aside from that, I am torn between accepting an ABS offer to be part of Dream Academy which will keep me away until December 16 but will make me money good enough for one year of living here in expensive Sydney, and coming home immediately to be with my family. Hay naku! Is it a question of delaying instant gratification? I really don't know what to do about it.
Boboy and Bong, Betta and Butch left early this morning after three days in our house. It was great to see them and catch up on things. I also had my llong talk with Danny in Melbourne. I was so happy to be there for my friend who has a lot of problems.
This is it for now.
- Location:Beside a window at 6 Neiwanfd
- Mood:awake
- Music:Silence
Something new.
Maybe I just need another space, another look for my thoughts. Sometimes the look of my blog predicts what I want to write about. This live journal will be written off-the-cuff. OK, maybe I will just be correcting spelling and grammar but it will be written right on the journal. This is my play space, or my creative workshop, meaning pwedeng maging magulo at incoherent ang isusulat ko. OK lang.
Was so happy for Mio yesterday. He actually and finally passed his driving test. I swear when I was praying for him, I could hear God answering my questions. 'Please let Mio pass. Will he?", 'Yes", was the reply. And while I was at it, I also asked if the house we were purchasing was the right move. How about Mio getting into a selective school next year? Again, I heard a clear 'yes' for the two questions. I also asked if the APO show would be successful. I also heard an affirmative. I know this sounds crazy--a guy talking to God. And worse, God answering back! Well, why not? Aren't all of us His/Her children? I think God/Goddess really talks to us and probably has been doing so since the beginning of gtime. The question, as Neal Donald Walsch asked in his book Conversations with God is, 'do we listen?' Sometimes, I just feel so aligned with the 'intent of the universe' that I feel humbled by the affirmative feelings I get. Call it intuition. Or call it plain paying attention without the constraints of having to be 'logical' and 'realistic'.
Tommorrow I leave for Melbourne for a show with APO on the 4th and fly back to Sydney on the 5th for a show on the same day. The big deal here is I will see Danny, Boboy and our managers Betta and Butch for the first time since I migrated almost 5 months ago. What a blast. So many stories to tell and share. After the show in Sydney, they will stay with me for a few days and that should be even more wonderful.
Can't wait!
Maybe I just need another space, another look for my thoughts. Sometimes the look of my blog predicts what I want to write about. This live journal will be written off-the-cuff. OK, maybe I will just be correcting spelling and grammar but it will be written right on the journal. This is my play space, or my creative workshop, meaning pwedeng maging magulo at incoherent ang isusulat ko. OK lang.
Was so happy for Mio yesterday. He actually and finally passed his driving test. I swear when I was praying for him, I could hear God answering my questions. 'Please let Mio pass. Will he?", 'Yes", was the reply. And while I was at it, I also asked if the house we were purchasing was the right move. How about Mio getting into a selective school next year? Again, I heard a clear 'yes' for the two questions. I also asked if the APO show would be successful. I also heard an affirmative. I know this sounds crazy--a guy talking to God. And worse, God answering back! Well, why not? Aren't all of us His/Her children? I think God/Goddess really talks to us and probably has been doing so since the beginning of gtime. The question, as Neal Donald Walsch asked in his book Conversations with God is, 'do we listen?' Sometimes, I just feel so aligned with the 'intent of the universe' that I feel humbled by the affirmative feelings I get. Call it intuition. Or call it plain paying attention without the constraints of having to be 'logical' and 'realistic'.
Tommorrow I leave for Melbourne for a show with APO on the 4th and fly back to Sydney on the 5th for a show on the same day. The big deal here is I will see Danny, Boboy and our managers Betta and Butch for the first time since I migrated almost 5 months ago. What a blast. So many stories to tell and share. After the show in Sydney, they will stay with me for a few days and that should be even more wonderful.
Can't wait!
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